Sartre and the bad faith of hiding from our freedom

HostWe often feel like we're just playing a part in a play we didn't write. We tell our friends things like, I have to do this, or, that's just the way I'm, as if we're stuck in a groove we can't get out of. But there's this old idea that we're actually way more free than we want to admit, and we're just lying to ourselves to feel safe. Why is it so hard to just own up to the choices we make every day?

GuestIt's a heavy thought, right? A thinker named Jean-Paul Sartre called this lie bad faith. He spent a lot of time watching how people act in the world, and he noticed something strange. He famously wrote about a waiter he saw in a cafe. This guy was just a little too much of a waiter. He moved a bit too fast, his tray was a bit too steady, and he was being way too polite. It was like he was playing a role in a movie rather than just living his life. He was trying to turn himself into a waiter-machine so he didn't have to face the truth. The truth was that at any moment, he could just drop the tray, walk out the door, and start a totally new life. He was pretending to be an object that only does one thing, like a clock or a chair.

HostBut the man is at work and he likely needs the money to pay his rent. Is it really a lie to just do your job well?

GuestIt's not about how well he does the job. It's about the story he tells himself in his head. If he thinks, I'm a waiter in the same way that this cup is a cup, then he's in bad faith. See, a cup can't choose to be a bowl. It has no say in the matter. But the man can choose. By pretending he has no choice but to act this way, he hides from the weight of his own life. We all do this. We say things like, I'm just a grumpy person, or, I'm not the type who takes risks. We treat these parts of our past like they're set in stone. But those things are only true as long as we keep choosing to do them. We want to be a finished book, but we're actually still writing the pages.

HostThat feels a bit tough to hear. I can't just choose to be a world-class singer if I can't hit a note. There are real things that stop us, right?

GuestThere are. He called those the facts of our life. You were born in a certain year, you have a certain body, and you have a certain amount of money in the bank. You can't just wish those away. But bad faith happens in the gap between those facts and what you do with them next. Think of it like a game of cards. You don't get to pick the hand you're dealt. Those are the facts. But bad faith is pretending the cards are playing themselves. You're the one holding them. You're the one deciding to stay in the game or fold. The lie is when we say, the cards made me lose. No, you played the cards and you lost. It sounds mean, but it's actually meant to show us how much power we have.

HostSo the lie is a way to shift the blame. But even if I admit I'm free, that feels almost worse. It's like standing on the edge of a very tall building and looking down.

GuestThat's exactly how he described it. He called that feeling vertigo. When you stand on a high ledge, you're not just afraid of falling. You're afraid that you might throw yourself off. You realize that nothing is stopping you but your own will. That's what total freedom feels like. It's dizzy and scary. It makes us want to run back into the room and close the door. We would rather be told what to do by a boss or a book or a habit because it's easier to be a part of a machine than it's to be the person who has to decide everything. We use our roles as a shield to protect us from the scary truth that we're in charge.

HostOkay, but what if I try to be totally honest? If I just say, fine, I'm being myself now, and I really mean it. Does that fix the lie?

GuestWell, here is the real twist. Even trying to be sincere can be a trap. Think about someone who says, I'm just a lazy person, and they really believe it. They think they're being honest. But they're still doing the same thing. They're trying to pin themselves down like a bug in a box. They're saying, this is what I'm, once and for all. But you're never just one thing. You're a constant flow. The second you say, I'm this, you're lying, because you're also the person who's looking at yourself and saying those words. You're always one step ahead of any name you give yourself. You're not a thing. You're a choice that never stops.

HostSo I can't even be myself because I'm always changing?

GuestYou can't be yourself the way a rock is a rock. You have to make yourself, over and over, every single day. It's like a fire. If it stops moving and changing, it's not a fire anymore. It's just a pile of cold ash.

HostSo if we're always running away from this freedom, what does it look like to actually face it? Is there a way to live that's not a lie?

GuestIt starts with changing the words you use. Instead of saying, I have to, you start saying, I choose to. I'm a waiter, and yet I choose to be here right now. I'm a parent, and yet I choose to act like one today. It means you stop letting your job or your past do the talking for you. You lose all your excuses. You can't blame your boss or your parents or your mood anymore. You're standing out in the rain without an umbrella, but at least you're not pretending the sky is blue when it's grey.

HostWe would rather believe we're trapped in a small, safe box than realize we're standing in a field with no fences at all.

GuestThe waiter might still serve the coffee, but he knows the apron is just a piece of cloth, not his whole soul.

HostThe cards are in our hands, and the game is always ours to play.