The growing panic over boys and young men falling behind

HostFor a long time, the main worry in schools was how to help girls catch up. We put a lot of work into making sure they had the same chances as boys. But lately, the conversation has flipped. Now, we're seeing these big gaps where boys are the ones struggling in class and at work. Why has this become such a big deal all of a sudden?

GuestWell, the numbers are starting to get hard to ignore. If you look at who's finishing high school or going to college, the gap between men and women is now bigger than it was back in the seventies, but in the other direction. Women are way ahead in getting degrees. And it's not just school. We're seeing more young men who aren't working and not looking for work. They're often living at home longer and feeling more alone. People are panicking because this isn't just a small slump. It looks like a deep, long term shift in how boys are growing up and finding their place in the world.

HostBut I have to ask, if you look at who's running the big companies or the government, it's still mostly men. Is it really a crisis if men still hold all the power at the top?

GuestThat's exactly where the confusion happens. We tend to only look at the very top of the pile, what people call the glass ceiling. And you're right, men are still doing very well there. But if you look at the bottom of the pile, what some call the leaky basement, it's almost all men. Most of the people in prison are men. Most of the people who die from drugs or take their own lives are men. The problem is that while the top is still male, the floor has fallen out for the guys underneath. We have a lot of men who are failing to get even the basics of a stable life. So we have this weird split where men are doing both the best and the worst at the same time.

HostSo if the problem is at the bottom, does it start in the classroom? Is it just that girls are better at school?

GuestIt's more that school has changed in a way that fits how girls grow up. Think about what a modern classroom asks of a kid. You have to sit still for hours. You have to be good at planning your work and staying organized. You have to have strong verbal skills. On average, girls develop those skills earlier than boys. The part of the brain that helps you control your impulses and plan ahead matures about a year or two later in boys. So when we start everyone in school at the same age, we're asking five year old boys to do things their brains might not be ready for yet. They fall behind in reading and writing early on, and many of them never really catch up. They start to feel like school is just a place where they're bad at everything.

HostBut isn't it just that the world is getting more fair? Maybe girls are just finally getting the chance to show they can thrive when the playing field is even.

GuestThat's part of it, and that's a good thing. But the bigger issue is that the world outside of school has changed too. Think about the jobs that used to give men a path to a middle class life. A lot of those were in factories or manual labor. They were jobs where you used your hands and your physical strength. Those jobs have mostly vanished or been replaced by machines. The jobs that are growing the most now are what people call the HEAL jobs. That stands for Health, Education, Administration, and Literacy, or reading and writing. These are jobs like nursing, teaching, and office work. These are fields where women have always done well, and men aren't moving into them fast enough to make up for the jobs they lost.

HostSo you're saying it's a mix of how their brains grow and a job market that doesn't want what they used to offer. What do we do about that? One thing I have heard people suggest is just letting boys start school a year later than girls. That sounds like a huge change for parents to deal with.

GuestIt's a big change, but some people think it's the only way to fix the start of the race. They call it redshirting. If a boy starts kindergarten at six instead of five, he has another year for his brain to catch up. He's more likely to be able to sit still and more likely to be at the same reading level as the girls in his class. Right now, being the youngest and least mature kid in class is a huge risk factor for a boy. It makes him more likely to be labeled with a learning problem when he might just need more time. We also need to think about how we talk about those HEAL jobs. There's still a big social wall that stops men from wanting to be nurses or grade school teachers. If we don't break that down, we're going to have millions of men who feel like there's no role for them in the modern economy.

HostIt's a lot to take in because it touches on everything from how we raise our kids to how we run our whole economy. It seems like the old map for how to become a successful man just doesn't lead anywhere anymore.

GuestThe real worry is that if young men don't have a clear path to being useful and respected, they stop trying and pull away from everyone.

HostThe classroom that used to be a stepping stone now feels like a hurdle for a lot of these boys.

Guestone last concrete line — the single sharpest point of the whole conversation stated plainly, a surprising specific, or the open question the field is still chasing. State it; don't editorialize about what it means.

GuestWe're currently seeing a thirty percent gap in college degrees between women and men, which is even wider than the gap that existed when we first passed laws to help women forty years ago.

HostThe school desk that once seemed like a simple piece of furniture now looks like the front line of a very different kind of struggle for the next generation.