Why young people are dating less than ever

HostIt seems like everywhere I turn lately, I hear people talking about how quiet the dating world has become for folks in their teens and twenties. It's not just that the way people meet has changed, it feels like the whole rhythm of going out and finding a partner has slowed way down. I wanted to look into why that's, because it feels like a pretty big shift in how we grow up. How much of a drop are we actually seeing compared to how things used to be?

GuestIt's a massive change. If you look at the numbers, about half of young adults say they're single right now, which is a lot higher than what we saw with the generations that came before them. But the real surprise isn't just that they're not in serious pairings. They're just not going out on dates at all. Since the early nineties, the share of high school kids who go out on dates has dropped by about forty percent. It's a slow fade that started well before the world shut down a few years ago. It's like the very idea of a date has gone from a normal weekend plan to this high stakes, scary event that needs a ton of prep work.

HostThat's a huge swing. I mean, forty percent isn't just a small trend, it's a total change in how kids spend their time. But we have apps now. You would think having a tool to meet people right in your pocket would make it easier to get out there, not harder.

GuestYou would think so, but the apps might actually be part of the wall. Back in the day, you kind of had to talk to people at school or work because that was the only game in town. Now, you have this huge list of choices on your phone, but that makes the whole thing feel like work. It's like looking at a menu that's fifty pages long. You get tired just looking at it, so you end up not picking anything. Plus, there's this huge fear of being seen as weird or making someone feel unsafe. For a lot of young people, the safest move is to just stay home and scroll. If you don't try, you can't fail, and you definitely can't end up as a bad story on someone else's social media feed.

HostSo it's a fear of the messiness of it all. But surely there's still that basic drive to connect with someone? Are they finding other ways to fill that gap, or are they just okay being alone?

GuestWell, they're connecting, but it looks different. They have this thing now called a situationship. It's basically this gray area where you hang out and maybe act like a couple, but you never actually put a label on it. It's a way to get some of that closeness without the scary parts of a real commitment or the risk of a big, public breakup. It's almost like a practice run that never actually starts. And honestly, a lot of them are just tired. They're spending more time at home, often living with their parents longer because everything is so expensive. When you're twenty-two and still in your childhood bedroom, the idea of hosting a date or even having the spare cash to go to a nice dinner feels like a dream from a different world.

HostI can see how the money side of it weighs things down. It's hard to feel like an adult in the dating world when you don't feel like an adult in your own life yet. But does this mean they're lonelier, or are they just more picky about who they spend their energy on?

GuestIt's a bit of both. They're definitely more careful. There's a real sense of risk management going on. They see the drama of older generations and think, no thanks. But that caution comes with a price. When you skip the small, awkward dates, you also skip the chance to learn how to handle another person's feelings or your own. We're seeing a lot of young people say they feel a huge amount of dread even just making a phone call, so imagine how they feel about sitting across a table from a stranger. They're trading the risk of a bad night for the safety of a quiet night, but over time, those quiet nights add up to a lot of missed chances to grow.

HostWait, so the lack of dating might actually be making the anxiety worse because they never get the practice? That sounds like a loop they can't get out of.

GuestThat's exactly what's happening. It's a loop of staying safe. If you never go on the date, you never get rejected, so you never learn that rejection is actually okay and you can survive it. Instead, that fear just grows into this giant monster in the room. Some people call it a social battery problem. They feel like they only have a tiny bit of energy for other people after a day of work or school, and they would rather spend it on a group of friends they already know or just a video game where they know the rules. A date is a wild card. It's unpredictable. And in a world that feels pretty unstable right now, a lot of young people are just opting out of anything they can't control.

HostIt's wild to think that being able to see everyone's best moments online has made us more afraid to show our own rough edges in person.

GuestThe bar for what a good life or a good partner looks like is set so high by what we see on our screens that the real world just can't keep up.

HostThe quiet hallways and empty coffee shops start to make a lot more sense when you realize that the biggest hurdle to a first date might just be the fear of being human in front of someone else.

GuestThe real test for this generation will be whether they can find a way to value a messy, real-life connection over the perfect safety of a screen.

HostThat phone in the pocket was supposed to be a bridge to other people, but it ended up being the very thing that makes the walk across the street feel like too much of a risk.